why the church shouldn't fight gay marriage

Many people will disagree with this post. Hopefully there will also be many who agree or are at least willing consider this perspective. And why even post something when I know there will be a large number who disagree and want to debate? My purpose is not to stir things up. I don’t want to start debates. I’m not looking to cause problems. But, I do believe my thoughts are worth sharing. These are my thoughts and my opinions. No, I don’t have it all figured out and I don’t have all the answers. And there is very little I am 100% certain of. But my thoughts matter. And this subject is important to me. I sincerely hope that someone may benefit from me voicing my thoughts. Maybe it will be the words you’ve been looking for but didn’t know how to say. Maybe it will cause you to reconsider your current viewpoint. Maybe you won’t change your viewpoint but can still respect mine. That’s why I even bother writing a post that I know people might want to argue with me on. If even one person can benefit from me speaking up, it’s worth it.


The number one reason I hear (perhaps even the only reason?) for people being against gay marriage is because they say it is not biblical. It usually comes from the church, of course, because only those claiming Christianity would even care if something is biblical. But let me ask the church this— are you really fighting for biblical marriage? The church says same-sex marriage shouldn’t be legal because it’s not biblical. Let’s start with why that even matters. My opinion— it doesn’t. We are not a Christian nation. Why does the church expect the entire country to follow their rules and adhere to the Christian religion? Religious groups can believe whatever they want about homosexuality and marriage, but should not expect people who do not claim their religion to follow it. (Also, I should note, I realize there are christians and churches that accept homosexuality and support gay marriage. In this post, when I say “christian” and “church”, I am simply referring to the vast majority that do not.) The bible is against divorce, yet I don’t hear churches fighting to make divorce illegal. I haven’t seen pickets outside of courthouses to make gluttony illegal. The bible speaks SO OFTEN about giving to the poor and caring for the needy, yet churches aren’t fighting to make it mandatory that we do so. WHY? Besides the fact that the church picks and chooses what it feels is important and worth fighting for from the bible, I think the church knows it can’t expect everyone to follow their guidelines and standards. So why expect it with marriage?   I’ve heard it said that marriage is defined by God, and that’s why the church fights for biblical marriage laws. If it’s a sacred religious ceremony to you, I support that. I don’t want to take away your biblical idea of marriage. But then, the thing is, we need different words. “Marriage” is just an English word. And when the bible was translated to English, it was stuck in there. I haven’t researched the history or origin of the word, but I don’t want to get into that— just stick with me. My point is that it’s just a word. We decide what words mean and how to use them. Not everyone views marriage, even straight marriage, as a sacred religious ceremony. Why is the issue of gay marriage the only time I hear the church fighting for biblical marriage? Why isn’t the church fighting to make all marriages that are not biblical illegal? People get married all the time that are not religious. Should atheist not be allowed to get married? If the church is worried about profaning their sacred, biblical ceremony of marriage, we simply need different words for it. Everyone deserves the same legal rights that come with a marriage union. Everyone deserves to be able to have that union. But not everyone sees that marriage union as defined and established by God. Again, why is gay marriage the only time the church is worried about a marriage not being biblical? I’ve never heard a peep or seen a petition or picket sign with concern for marriage not being biblical regarding any other issue. 

So that’s why I ask this question to the church— are you really fighting for biblical marriage? If so, you’ve got more work to do outside of gay marriage. Or maybe, just maybe, we could agree that everyone deserves the same legal rights, regardless of the fact that their religion or perspective differs from yours. 

perspective, attitude and poop

Our perspective influences our attitude. In fact, I would even say our perspective forms our attitude. How we see things determines our mood and outlook. And we tend to see things as if everyone is out to get us. That car that pulled out in front of me-- how dare they! I know they saw me coming, and they just pulled out anyway! @*#&!! $%@*!! We assume they intintionally pulled out in front of us. They probably did it solely to piss us off. We make it all about us. The car that cut us off. The noisy neighbors. The seemingly unfriendly cashier. The person holding up the line. The strict boss. We make it about us. And when we do this, when our perspective is all about how something will influence me, how it affects me, this usually leads to anger, jealousy, bitterness and hatred. We get angry at the car that pulls out in front of us because we only care about their actions in how they influence us (although, let's be honest, when they cut us off… it really, actually… didn't affect us… at all).

My dad and I recently took a trip to Houston, where my brother had moved just a few days before. My dad and I went to help him move in to his new apartment. As we were out and about a lot, running errands and purchasing things for the new place, we determined that Houston drivers are a bit crazy. Sometimes it was humorous. Sometimes it would piss us off. And all the time it left us saying, "What the…?!".

I don't remember the situation exactly, but I suppose someone cut us off. It was just one of those situations where you watch the other driver and wonder what the hell they're doing. After initially being frustrated, my brother finally says, "Well, maybe she had to poop really bad." From then on out, instead of getting frustrated when a driver cut us off or tailgated or sped past us, we would just assume that they probably had to poop really bad. And then how could we not be understanding? Their actions suddenly made much more sense with that perspective!

It's no fun to go through life constantly angry, frustrated, upset, jealous or assuming everyone is out to get you. It will lead to bitterness and hatred. This is something I've been learning over the past several years. It's a lesson life has tried to teach me many times and I didn't listen. I'm listening now. I'm trying to be teachable. I choose happiness. I choose joy. I choose to extend grace and forgiveness and understanding. It's not easy and I certainly don't have it perfected. It takes a conscious effort. It takes a conscious effort to make it not all about me. Maybe the noisy neighbors don't realize we can hear them. Maybe the seemingly unfriendly cashier is going through a divorce. Maybe the person holding up the line is flustered and distracted with the bad news they just received. Maybe the strict boss is struggling to hold it all together. And maybe the person in the car that cut us off just has to poop really bad.

When we make the effort to change our perspective, our attitude will, without a doubt, change. Not just our attitude in that moment, but in how we go through life. When we learn to let things go. When we realize the world is not out to get us. When we see things for more than just how they affect us, our attitude is better. Life is better.

a beautiful thing

The past year has been quite the journey for me. I've done a lot of wrestling. A lot of seeking. A lot of discovering. A lot of change. I've wrestled with God, I've wrestled with myself. And I'm in the process of freeing myself.

I was thinking more about the whole nakedness thing that I talked about in this post. I think nakedness and freedom are interwoven. We often live as slaves without even realizing it. We're restricted. We're slaves to the masks we wear, we let fear control us. Fear of the unknown. Fear of nakedness. Fear of rejection. We're slaves to the opinions of others. We become dependent on what others will think. Always denying ourselves to please others. Always forfeiting our happiness "for the sake of others". That's what we tell ourselves anyway. But I don't think it needs to be that way. I don't think we need to forfeit our freedom and happiness to also be considerate of others and live in humility.

Freedom isn't about doing whatever you want and only pleasing yourself. It's having the right or ability to do whatever you want. It's "the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved". And that is a beautiful thing.

I was recently reading Hebrews 4, where the author talks about entering God's rest. Matthew Henry's notes of vs 10 are this: "Every true believer hath ceased from his own works of righteousness, and from the burdensome works of the law…" then he pointed me to Matthew 11:28. We all know the verse. "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Henry's notes on this verse, "the Jews suffered under a heavy load of religious responsibilities laid on them by priests, rabbis, scribes and Pharisees. Rest is a relief from this burden." And it hit me in a way it never had before. It made Matthew 11:28 so much more beautiful to me. All wrestling I've been doing. The debates in my head. Struggling to find the Truth. Wrestling with religion and church and God and what it all really means--- it was exhausting. It was burdensome. But Jesus tells me to just come to Him and He will give me rest.

Freedom. That's what I'm working towards. And it's a beautiful thing.

Paleo Bread

I'm not much of a cook. Or baker. What I'm saying is that I don't do much in the kitchen. I don't have cabinets stocked with ingredients. If I did decide I wanted to cook something, I'd likely have to make a run to the store first. With extra time on my hands today, I decided to actually DO that thing I keep saying I want to do. Homemade bread. So I made a quick (okay, not so quick) run to the store (okay, two stores) to get my supplies. I had chosen a Paleo bread recipe. I'm not on a Paleo diet, but the recipe looked healthy and fairly simple. After all is said and done and the bread has been tasted, I can say that I'm in love with this bread! Here is the recipe I used from Elana's Pantry.

The bread was simple and quick to prep, and I didn't even make much of a mess! It bakes for 30 mins and turned out wonderfully!

get naked with someone

I'm reading a book called "Thrashing About With God". I just read the chapter called "Naked", where, in story form, the author tells of looking at herself naked in a mirror. A college professor had told her, "I recommend looking at yourself naked in the mirror each morning. A good hard look. A look that chooses to take it all in, even the parts you've been ignoring because you don't want to see. Those are parts of you as well." She stares at the stranger in the mirror, taking the time to get to know this person. This flawed, uncovered, unprotected from clothes person. "'I will love you when you're naked,' she whispers to herself, leaning dangerously close to the mirror. 'I will study your unedited bits. Your uncovered flaws. The darkness of your details. I won't be afraid to go there with you... I have lived with you and ignored you. Now I will pay attention and become familiar with your hidden beauty.'"

We fear our imperfections. We fear rejection if we reveal too much. Fear is what makes us hate nakedness. Physical and emotional nakedness. So we cover our body with clothes. Shower, towel, clothes. Don't look at the nakedness. And we cover our hearts. Never letting it be fully exposed.

The bible tells us to bear one another's burdens. Most of the time though, we're too scared to even tell others about our burdens, nonetheless, let them bear it with us. We keep secrets, we hide parts of who we are, we wear masks, we try to carry our burdens alone, we try to fight our demons alone. Because what would happen if we fully exposed ourselves? Took off our masks? I would not dare walk down the aisle at my church, stand in front of everyone and just pour it all out. Be completely honest and real. Share my struggles and things I've done. I wouldn't do it. I would like to say exposure is something we needn't fear, but I don't think that's the case. I don't think this fear of being naked is completely fabricated. I think it comes from experience. It's something we've learned. The idea that physical nakedness is "bad" is learned. We were born naked and had no problem with it. Most toddlers prefer to strip off their annoying clothes and run around naked. They are not embarrassed. They don't know it's "bad" to be exposed. It's learned. (What's deemed inappropriate is also hugely cultural, but I'm sticking with the western view, since that's what most of us have.) It's the same with our hearts. We've been burned. We've been rejected. We've been made fun of. We've been told that something we feel or think is not okay. And so we've learned to keep covered. Over time, we stop revealing so much of ourselves. We hide more and more, putting on one mask after the other.

I have this scary looking tattoo that usually freaks people out. I admit, it doesn't quite fit in the box of my usual style of tattoos. But, here's the meaning behind it. It's a type of Japanese mask that people were afraid to wear, believing that when you took it off it would take your spirit out of you. I had given this quote to my tattoo artist, "We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin."

While I think we have good reason to fear emotional nakedness, I don't think it's good. With all the hiding and the masks and the pretending, we will lose who we are. We all wear different masks and for different reasons. And I don't think the band-aid approach applies to this. I don't think you need to suddenly rip off all your masks and fully expose yourself. Sometimes we keep secrets to protect ourselves or others. Maybe the timing just isn't right for you to reveal certain things. That's okay. But take a risk. Be brave. Maybe you can't get naked with everyone, but get naked with someone. Take time to get to know yourself, naked and exposed. Learn to love yourself. Let others love you, naked and exposed.

coming out with a stand...

I recently read this blog post by John Shore-- My dog in the fight for LGBT equality.  I encourage you to read the whole thing, but here's the gist of it. John was asked this question by a radio host, “John, what’s your dog in this fight? You’re not gay. Why do you care so much about the issue of LGBT people and the church?”. You'll have to read the blog for his response, but the question got me thinking. It reminded me of this short video about justice-- Is Justice Worth It?  Don't worry, I'm done with links for now. Watch the video, brings me to tears every time I do. The video asks the question if fighting for justice is even worth it. But to those who become friends and family with those who suffer, that question is ridiculous. A quote from the video, "It's one thing to wonder if someone else is worth fighting for, but when you begin to identify with that someone else, commune with them, that's when the question becomes no longer worth asking... You never stop fighting for your own."

In the past several months to a year, you've seen me post more and more about homosexuality. I've probably surprised you. Your jaw has dropped. You've prayed for me because I've obviously backslidden. Though, in all my crazy "she-must-be-so-far-gone" posts, I've never really come out and said where I stand. I've reposted other peoples articles and blogs and thoughts. So here are my own. Here is my stand. I choose to love and support gay people. I choose to fight for LGBT equality. Because they're people.

Originally, this post was just going to be about divorce and homosexuality. I don't have a smooth transition to go into that... so here it is...

When talking about homosexuality, I'm always hesitant to bring up divorce as a way of trying to get my point across. I don't know, call me crazy, but I don't like offending people. I take no pleasure in it. Sure, I offend people sometimes. Intentionally, unintentionally- I offend people. And I'm sorry. But I try to be considerate and sensitive to peoples feelings. So, even when people are using their favorite clobber verses from the Bible to tear down gay people, I'm hesitant to counter with verses about divorce. Because I realize that while, yes, the Bible speaks out against divorce, divorce is a complex thing. And human beings have this thing called emotion. With divorce usually comes pain. Struggle. Fear. Heartache. And not even just because the Bible tells me to, I want to err on the side of love and compassion. That seems to be how Jesus rolled as well. He had compassion on people. He broke the law to heal people. Yup, broke the law. Which, as any good Christian can tell you, Jesus was without sin. So chew on that.

When I repost a blog or a quote or an article about homosexuality (and mind you, it's usually simply about loving gay people), and people jump in with their abomination verses and attacks... it kills me. It kills me to see the church acting this way. And, when I know the person has been divorced, I have the ever smallest urge to clobber them with verses. I don't for two reasons-- I would feel bad. Again, I don't like to offend people or be insensitive to their pain. And secondly-- I don't want to use the Bible to clobber people! I'm pretty sure that's not it's purpose. (I already know your thoughts- "but we are suppose to hold each other accountable! we're suppose to live to a higher standard! we shouldn't compromise the truth!"... Stay with me. I just said the purpose of the Bible is not to clobber people. Leave it at that.)

And it's not just divorce. Greed. Lust. Lying. But those things are easier to hide. And harder to pinpoint just what exactly qualifies. I mean, I can't be greedy if I have a lot less than others, right? Or could it be considered greedy if I even only had two shirts when someone else is living with none? If that was what it took to qualify as greed, then we'd be in trouble.  

But we pick and choose what verses we think should apply to our lives. We decide the value we'll give to each one. Oh, that verse? Well, you have to look at the context. This one? Keep in mind the culture! This verse? Well, to be honest, I don't know what that means... but surely it can't mean what it says because that would contradict other verses. That one? Well, just look at the author and to whom he is writing... it doesn't apply to us! That verse that uses the word"homosexuality"? Forget the context, forget the culture. Hell, let's also forget all other verses about love and compassion and Jesus caring about people more than the law. Sure, those verses far out-number the mentions of homosexuality, but let's forget them.  I don't know about you, but that does not sit well with me. I am not okay with it. 

Back to divorce and homosexuality. We all know someone that has been divorced. Maybe that's why we treat it differently. Someone close to us has been through it. We understand that it was a hard time for them. We understand their situation. We have compassion on them and the pain they went through. We felt their pain with them. We carried the burden and struggle with them. Maybe you don't know someone who is gay. I mean really know them. Maybe you know a person that is gay and you sat with them at a coffee shop to tell them how sinful they are- that is not knowing them. With homosexuality usually comes pain. Struggle. Fear. Heartache. Let's carry that burden and struggle with them. You don't have to fully understand it (though, I promise, if you take the time and put in half an effort, you will surprise yourself) to love them. You don't even have to throw out your beliefs or views to carry their burden and struggle with them.

Try to take some time learning about the struggle of LGBTs, even if it's not a personal encounter. Research. Look online. Check out this org, The Trevor Project, that provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. Did you know that LGB youth are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers? As the body of Christ, shouldn't we be concerned? Shouldn't we be reaching out? We should be partnering with orgs like the Trevor Project.

Church, this is not the first time we have isolated and devalued a group of people. But I pray to God that we seek forgiveness and that it's the last. Church, what you call "speaking the truth in love" is not love at all. People that struggle with homosexual feelings are more likely to embrace homosexuality and leave the church than they are to "leave" homosexuality. Just because you cannot understand their battle does not make it less of a battle. They are walking away from the faith and God they grew up with, the faith and God they once loved and treasured, because their struggle is so real. Because they feel isolated and bullied by the church. John Shore has a book called "UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question". On his blog, John asked gay Christians to share their stories. He then compiled a selection of the responses into this book. Here are a few of the titles of these letters: "I did not want to exist anymore", "An aching loneliness", "I was in unsafe territory", "I was scared", "I am torn", "Deep pain and rejection", "Years of feelings lost", "Desperate to not be gay", "I'm an abomination", "I begged god", "They publicly prayed for my death", "I lived 30 years alone". Does this not tear your heart apart? Yes, justice is worth it. Yes, love is worth it. Yes, I will fight for them and with them!

If you get to know them, commune with them, identify with them, you will share in their struggle. You will carry their burdens with them. Their pain will be your pain. Their battles will be your battles. And that's why I take this stand. That's my dog in the fight for LGBT equality. 

searching for peace

I was in bed. Ready for sleep. I wish I hadn't heard the notification. The CourierPress app with the headline "Cyclist killed identified as Vectren President". I, of course, proceeded to read the article. Damn, now I can't sleep. I hate death. Some might say that Christians shouldn't hate death. But death is the result of sin. It's a reminder of this sinful, falling apart world. It's loss, it's pain. So, yeah, I hate it.

A guy went out cycling, and now he is gone.  A 23 yr old young lady, her life is changed too. Maybe she was heading into work or out running errands. Obviously, whether the result is injury or death, bein the victim is a scary thought. But, I also cannot imagine living with the burden of knowing I changed or took someone's life. Heavy stuff.

But, believe it or not, the main thing on my mind isn't death. It's peace. I don't have it. Not just about dying. Though yes, that too. I know, I know, this world is not our home. And heaven and being with Jesus is far greater than we can imagine. Fact is-- this world has been my home for 28 years. And another fact-- I've never died before. Surprise!! So, death is scary. I don't care who you are or what you say. Death is impossible for us to wrap our minds around. Death is the unknown. And it's hard to be completely at peace with the unknown.

It's not just death though. I just don't really feel peace. And I don't think I'm the only one. It almost seems as though people who don't identify as Christians are more at peace than those who do. Why is that? I struggle with doubt. Not doubt that God exists, (well, yeah, I've been there, too) but doubts about who God really is. What the Bible is really saying. What's the point, the meaning? I doubt, I struggle, I question. And you overconfident Christians out there, you don't fool me. Have you always believed the same as you do now? Unlikely. I've changed a lot in the past 5 years. At 23, man, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew the answers. The meaning of it all. I was confident. I thought I was right! Now, I look at my 23 year old self and shake my head. I was naive and foolish! Arrogant. Prideful. Blind. But, I thought I was seeking God and the Truth and pleasing Him. Now, I know for certain that I don't believe some of those things I was so certain about (Ah, but how can I be certain?!). Other things, I'm still wrestling with. Sometimes, I get tired of wrestling. I know people who appear to have peace. Believers and non-believers. What is it? I'm not looking for the church answers here. Maybe it's largely accepting, or figuring out, who you are. It would be hard to be at peace when you're wrestling with your own identity. Maybe it's figuring out who you believe God to be. His character, His attributes. His will. Of course, you might change your mind about that 5 years down the road, but maybe having a small amount of confidence would be enough for now.

I just want to be happy. Really happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed. My life doesn't suck. But I just don't have that peace or joy or confidence that I see in some people. I'm striving for it though. I try to be positive, to see the good in things, to be kind, to seek God, to love others. Enjoy the journey.

Wait, you know what? I think it's freedom. Which has to do with both knowing who you are and knowing who you believe God to be. When you feel free to be who you are. That would lead to peace.  And as a believer, freedom in Christ. Church people always talk about "freedom in Christ", but then everything else they say seems to say, "No, you can't be free to believe that or think that or do that. No, you're not really free.". I think I need to figure out what it means to be free.

hold on to what you believe

Today, I spend time doing art without any glue, cutting or sewing. Just me and my trusty ol' Mac! Digital art is not my strongest suit, but I love playing with it. I find typography especially fascinating. Though the end result may look rather simple, it can take hours to pick out the right fonts. A creative font that isn't over-used. Fonts that work well together. Which words to put in which fonts. Size and placement of each word. Again, not my strongest suit, but something I enjoy doing. And hopefully I'll get better with more practice!

This is a long from the Mumford and Sons song, "Hold On To What You Believe"

out beyond ideas

I used a 10x10 canvas and started by drawing the lines in pencil. I had to mix some paint to come up with the colors I wanted and I love how they all turned out! I debated different ways to put the quote on the canvas, in the end, I chose to paint it on white paper and cut around each word. Glued them on and went over the whole thing with mod podge. I also painted the sides of the canvas black. This might be one of my favorite pieces I've made!! 

I read this poem for the first time recently and instantly loved it. It's exactly where I'm at in life. Realizing that there is something more beyond the ideas of wrong and right. It's a dare to look beyond right & wrong, good & evil, black & white. To me, it's about not letting our differences divide us but instead embracing our commonalities as human beings. 

The full poem is this: 

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. 

When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. 

Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense.

~Jelaluddin Rumi

I believe in the sun

"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining. I believe in love, even when I don't feel it. I believe in God, even when he is silent" 

Powerful words found scribbled on a wall at a German concentration camp. 

I started with a piece of corrugated card board and tore off the top layer. Patches of the top layer were left behind, but I liked the look this gave it. 

Get creative... You can do so much with corrugated cardboard this way. It gives great texture to your art work! 

DIY picture hooks

I found this online and I LOVE it... it worked perfectly! I had made some wall art out of a piece of wood... but then it was just laying around for days because I didn't have a way to hang it. I always made a mental note to swing by the store and pick up some hooks, but never actually got around to it. Then, I discovered this little trick. Soda can tabs.

I simply screwed the tab to the wood (be sure the screw won't go all the way through!), did measurements to make sure my screws in the wall would line up, and viola! Easy and free and it works!! :)

bingo coasters!!

It's nothing new to make coasters out of tile... but that doesn't make them any less awesome!! I've made some before with scrapbook paper... and I've also seen people transfer pictures of them. Tile is super cheap and the options are endless!!

I bought a Bingo game at a yard sale and made bingo coasters!!

i cut the Bingo cards down to a square (cutting off the top part that spells out B-I-N-G-O). the cards were pretty thick, so i peeled off the top layer- it peeled off pretty easily.

I used a variety of scrapbook paper... mod podged the bingo sheet to the scrapbook paper... then all of it to the tile. I used mod podge underneath and then a good coat on top.

Previously, I've used felt on the bottom so the coaster don't scratch any surfaces... but I didn't have any felt on hand, so I used what i had!  I cut squares out of an old pair of sweatpants and hot-glued that under each tile.

Finally, I added a water-resistant, protective gloss finish with clear spray paint.

no one has it all figured out

There are Christians who:

Believe the Holy Bible does not contain the Apocrypha. Do not believe in the Trinity. Believe Mary stayed a virgin. Believe woman today should wear skirts and have long hair. Believe tattoos and piercings are sinful or even open the door to demonic curse. Believe once saved, always saved. Are democrats. Believe we should confess our sins to a Priest. Believe the Holy Bible does contain the Apocrypha. Believe that people who are gay are going to hell. Believe that people who are gay aren't automatically going to hell, but are living in sin that is greater than most other sins. Believe that it is not a sin to be gay. Believe you can lose your salvation. Are pro-life. Believe everything is predestined by God. Believe the KJV is the only real Bible translation. Are racist. Do not believe woman should be pastors. Have a woman pastor. Voted for Obama. Believe you must be baptized to be saved. Believe drinking alcohol is sinful. Believe being a glutton is sinful (oh wait, no, that's no one really).

I could go on, but hopefully you get my point. There are people who identify as believers in Jesus Christ who believe differently than you. And before you say it, I know. They are misguided. You've studied, you've prayed, God has spoken to you. You know the Truth. Guess what? They are saying the same thing right now, too.  Everyone thinks they are right. That's why they believe it- because they think it's true. There are very smart, studied people on each end of the spectrum. 

So where does that leave us? I honestly don't know. And that's what I'm learning. That I don't know A LOT. That doesn't mean I stop trying to learn. That doesn't mean I stop caring. It means I do the best I can. I read the Word and study and come to the best conclusion that I can. I decide for myself what I believe. But when someone believes differently, in grace and humility I listen. I mean, really listen to what they have to say. If I still disagree, that's okay.

I know you've studied. I know you are passionate about what you believe. I know you want to advocate what you believe to be the Truth. And maybe you are right about a lot of it. But, here's the thing. You are probably wrong about something. Can you honestly say that you think are are right about everything?? If so, I would love to have a chat with you because that is quite an accomplishment!! And I've never met anyone that was always, 100% of the time right. So I would love to meet you. However, if not, think about it. You are wrong about something. One of those beliefs that you hold so tightly and advocate so firmly, you are probably wrong about one of them. At least one of them. If that does not cause us to step back in humility and grace, then I'm at a loss. I no longer know what to say to you. And it probably wouldn't matter.

No one has it all figured it. An honest admission of that can only lead to humility.


And posting the lyrics to this song again, This Side of Heaven by Chris August.

Everyone’s got their own opinions
There’s nothing they don't know about
But in the end nobody's winning
'Cause nobody's got it figured out

[Chorus:]
Oh the things we think we know
But honestly we really don’t
This side of heaven
Save the worry, stop the hate
It doesn't matter anyway
This side of heaven

You can make your own decision
You can write it on a sign
But when it feels like something’s missing
Listen up and I'll tell you why

[Chorus]

I remember how He showed me
Love is first above all
And that judgment should come slowly
'Cause we all have our faults

scrap wood

I found a piece of wood laying by a trash can... picked it up and turned it into this! It had a couple nails and screws in it, I look those out and cleaned it up. I used a bar of soap to help fill the holes. I had seen that on Pinterest... it worked pretty well, but I had a hard time covering the soap with the acrylic paint I used. I watered down some brown paint and started with a layer of that to darken the wood. I also added a tiny bit of water to the teal and lightly painted that on... purposefully leaving spots where you could see the brown through it. I free-handed the letters on with pencil and filled with paint. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out! Now I just need to get some picture hangers and get it put up! 

The quote is the name of a movie, "Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You"... I fell in love with it. I'm not convinced it's a fact yet, but I'm hopeful. 

canvas, book pages and mod podge

I like the way both of these turned out, though they aren't very smooth. I didn't put mod podge on the canvas first, I put the pages down first so I could arrange them the way I wanted. then I simply painted the mod podge on top. that causes the wrinkles though, so in the future, I think I'll put mod podge on the canvas first, then just be careful about how I lay the pages out. 

for the first one, I took Bible pages all with verses about love. I highlighted those verses with a watered down yellow paint. I also watered down the teal paint a bit as the background, the. just free handed "love deeply" on. I want to work on my lettering!

used the same method of mod podging book pages onto canvas. I had some wooden words I had picked up at a craft store, laid them on the canvas and sprayed painted over. peeled off the words, and voila. I also painted the sides of the canvas to give it a little more color and splattered on a bit of yellow. 

from mission work to crafting

In the past, the main purpose of this blog was to share my adventures in mission work while I lived in Haiti. It wasn't always about Haiti. Sometimes I posted random thoughts and musings. However, now I'm no longer living in Haiti, just back to regular ol' life in Southern Indiana. But I have a new hobby. I've started crafting. While I've always loved to draw, I've never thought of myself as artsy. And I'm still not really. But I love trying. Sometimes I spend hours on something and it's a flop. And sometimes, I'm proud of the end results. I'm going to start sharing my attempts at being crafting here on the blog!

To start with, here are two random, simple beginning works.

I started with a piece of cloth from an old shirt. Painted on the squares and sewed around them. My sewing machine was snagging a bit, so it didn't turn out perfectly. Printed out the quote on regular computer paper and sewed it on as well!

I special greeting card that I wanted to hang on to, so I decided to make something with it. I cut off the back of the card, and glued the front to a couple different pieces of collaged scrapebook paper. Then I loosely glued it to the brown piece just to hold it in place and stitched it on. I really like the effect that gave it! Hot glued on the buttons to give it a little extra texture. Framed it without glass. 

oh the things we think we know

I'm at a place in my life where I am questioning a lot of things. I'm questioning what I believe and where I stand on certain issues and who I am. Don't freak out. I am not questioning whether God exists. I am not questioning my belief in Jesus. But I look at the church and church people... and I can't help but think maybe we've missed it. It's hard to really see something for what it is when you are so close and caught up in it. So I take a step back. I examine and question the things I was taught, the things I thought I knew. I think that's the biggest problem. We think we are the ones to have it all figured out. Whatever your denomination is. Even within a denomination there can be differences, so take it a step further, your church, your pastor. You are the ones that have the real Truth. That have it all figured out. Everyone else is just wrong. And the worst of it is, you're not allowed to have questions. You're not allowed to have a different opinion. They (church leaders) might not kick you out of the church for having a different opinion, but it would never be viewed as a legitimate point of view. They would try to change your mind. And if they couldn't, they would just settle on the fact that you just aren't as spiritual mature or you're living in sin and don't want to grasp the truth of the matter.

If you doubt or question a certain issue, church people will simply tell you to "look at it through the lens of the Bible". We like nice, pat, simple answers. But the thing is, not all of us are satisfied with pat answers. And the problem with that pat answer is that we're all looking at the Bible through a different lens. This might make a lot of people uncomfortable. Am I saying there isn't an absolute truth? No. I'm saying we are mere human beings and we'd be much better off if we stopped pretending we have all the answers. There are thousands and thousands of different protestant denominations. That's thousands and thousands of different view points. All who look at things through the lens of the Bible. All who believe the answers and conclusions they've come to are the real ones. The real Truth.

I'm not saying there aren't things we can know for certain. I'm just saying maybe we need to shorten that list.

I leave you with "This Side of Heaven" by Chris August

Everyone's got their own opinions
There's nothing they don't know about
But in the end nobody's winning
'Cause nobody's got it figured out

[Chorus:]
Oh the things we think we know
But honestly we really don't
This side of heaven
Save the worry, stop the hate
It doesn't matter anyway
This side of heaven

You can make your own decision
You can write it on a sign
But when it feels like something's missing
Listen up and I'll tell you why

[Chorus]
Oh the things we think we know
But honestly we really don't
This side of heaven
Save the worry, stop the hate
It doesn't matter anyway
This side of heaven

I remember how He showed me
Love is first above all
And that judgment should come slowly
'Cause we all have our faults

pressing on

I didn't help start Leve Project because it seemed like a cool idea. Leve Project was founded after prayer, first-hand experience, research and a lot of hard work. Leve Project was founded because it's something we, the founders, believed in and felt called to do. Since I first started full-time ministry, moving to Haiti to be the house manager at an orphanage, I have always felt that people look down to me. Like I'm too young. I don't have a college degree. I'm single. I'm female. Apparently, those are all negative qualities. I rarely feel like someone has confidence in me, in what I'm doing. When we first started Leve, people might not have said it in direct words, but they expected us to fail. In Acts, a man named Gamaliel says, "For is this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them." 


I'm not going to lie, the thought of quitting has crossed my mind. We don't have the financial support we need. At least, we don't have the security of financial commitments that would make me more comfortable. But, God has always provided. Sometimes, I look over finances and think to myself, "We can't keep going like this". And yet, we've always been able to keep going. Besides financial support, I sometimes feel we don't have support in the form of encouragement and partners. Just the other day, I was thinking to myself, "If no one else supports this, why am I still doing it? Why shouldn't I quit?". But I know why I can't quit. Because it wasn't man that called me to this, it was God. And even if I feel alone, even if I feel like no one else supports what I'm doing, I know that God called me to it and He is in it with me. And so I will press on. Straining towards the goal. 


I will admit though, that I don't know what that will look like. Pressing on. I'm at the point where I have to consider returning to the states. I have no personal income and my savings is just enough for a plane ticket. Leve Project struggles every month. Our house rent was due last month and we still don't have the money to pay it. At first, I thought this was all just another reason for me to quit. But then I looked at it again. And I cannot quit. 


I really feel we're making an impact here. Last month, we had a our first community meeting. We got the people of the village together to talk about what they want and what they feel they need. We've had several more meetings and a leadership committee was formed. We met with the committee last week to discuss and make plans for micro-loans. I feel like the people are encouraged and excited about the meetings we have had and it's given them a hope. These people have hopes and dreams for their lives... no human being wants to live in the conditions they do. They have learned to be content in their poverty...but they have hopes for a better life.  And in our meetings, they are seeing a little shred of light... a possibility that maybe their future can change. I can't walk away from that. The thought of quitting makes me literally sick. These are people I know. While they might just be a photograph to you, they are real, living, breathing people. Beautifully and wonderfully made by the Creator. And until I have absolutely nothing left in me, nothing left to give, I will continue to fight for them. I will fight for their dreams and hopes of a better life. 


I am asking for partners that will step out in faith with me. Faith that this is an undertaking of God. Faith that God is faithful and just. Faith that God will provide and that we can make a difference here, not because of ourselves, but because of Him. 


I feel like God has brought me, and this ministry, to a place of desperation. But not because He wants me to be desperate for more money and more partners and more support; He brought me here because He wants me to be desperate for Him. So I lay it at His feet. And whether in Haiti or in the states, I will continue to do the work that Leve Project has started here. I will press on. 


www.leveproject.org

"I can't stand your religious meetings"

I used to make fun of the Message paraphrase Bible. Okay, well, I didn't make fun of it... but there was a passage that I thought was funny.

Psalm 6:1-3 ESV

"O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord- how long?

Psalm 6:1-3 The Message

"Please, God, no more yelling, no more trips to the woodshed. Treat me nice for a change; I'm so starved for affection. Can't you see I'm black and blue, beat up badly in bones and soul? God, how long will it take for you to let up?"

Now, that, I simply found funny.

But I was also "against" The Message. I've changed my mind now. Though it's important to view it as what it is. A paraphrase. It's one man's, Eugene Peterson, thoughts and interpretations of the scripture. Most translations have nearly or more than 100 different translators working together. The Message would never be my sole version of the scripture... but reading it along side a more accurate translation can be beneficial.

I still think The Message wording in Psalm 6 is funny. However, a lot less funny, in fact, it seems to step on my toes til it hurts, is a passage in Amos.

Amos 5:21-24 The Message

"I can't stand your religious meetings. I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions. I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals. I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes, your public relations and image making. I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music. When was the last time you sang to me? Do you know what I want? I want justice- oceans of it. I want fairness- rivers of it. That's what I want. That's all I want."

Yeah. Ouch.

i'm not a survivor

I don't think of myself as a Haiti earthquake survivor. Yes, I was there. Yes, I lived through it. The dictionary says a survivor is "a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died". So I guess that would make me a survivor. But, I think of a survivor as someone who fought to live. Who struggled through and made it out. As horrific of an experience as the earthquake was for me... my story does not even compare to others. I wasn't not in a building that collapsed. I was not injured. I was not buried alive or stuck somewhere for days. I didn't lose any family members. I didn't lose my house or my possessions. I didn't go without food or water. Those are the survivors.