change.

Change is always a hard thing. Unexpected, unwanted change is even harder. This sounds like a stupid statement to make because it's so obvious-- but the earthquake changed everything. Everything. My house is still standing. No one that I was close to died. I know that I have it good. I know the earthquake changed life for most haitians drastically more than it changed mine. At times (most times), thinking about it all can be overwhelming. Part of it is a pain for the Haitian people. I love this country. I love these people. To say that their lives have been altered is an understatement. What was no longer is. And part of it is feeling lost in the unknown. The unknown for myself and for my friends here that I love dearly. When Paige, Vivien and I first started talking about things-- none of us had any idea what the next step was. The 5 younger Livesay children were in the states. Tara and Troy knew they needed to be with their children. But when they would go and for how long was unknown. Vivien and I both weren't sure if we should go to the states and if it would be a visit or a permanent move. None of us wanted to leave Haiti. Since then, a few plans have been made, but so much is still unknown. Tara, Troy and Paige headed to Texas to have the whole family together. They know they are not done in Haiti. Vivien returned to the states with them on that flight yesterday to visit home. She will be returning to Haiti in a few weeks. I am headed to the states Thursday the 11th to spend time with family and friends and have some fun and relaxation. I, too, have decided that I am not done here. And that gives me comfort. I look forward to being able to leave and get away for a little bit but also knowing that I will be coming back. It's still not easy though. I'm still staying at the Livesays house. And they aren't here. I am sleeping in Paige's bed and she's not here. I walked up to the pharmacy at the clinic today and Vivien and Joanna weren't there. Jonna wasn't there. I tried to tell myself that it was okay, that I am okay by myself (not that i am even alone now. i have been alone in haiti and that does suck. however, as it is, i still have some pretty awesome people here like Beth, Dr. Jen, Jeronne, and some pretty cool nurses). But that's not true. I miss these people terribly. Because I love them. But I take comfort in knowing this is not the end. It's not over. Yes, yesterday is over. The weeks past are over. And nothing will ever be like it was. But this is where we're at. This is where I'm at. And I trust that God works out all things for the good of those who love Him.